Don't Believe Anything You Read...

When I was traveling for work last week with a co-worker, she shared an e-mail from Human Resources that her boss had sent out to their entire team. Now, the e-mail was a complete joke...and here is the best part: the punch line is that nobody on her team really got it!!!! They thought it was real - a few were even pissed off. I don't have a copy of the e-mail she showed me, but I found a virtually identical version online, and have included it here. I, for one, laughed my a** off at it! well, I guess we have at least one department at my company that has a bit of a cursing problem...

MEMORANDUM

To: All Employees
From: Human Resources

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received, this will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases have been provided so that a proper exchange of ideas & information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offense.

TRY SAYING - Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF - And when the f**k do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING - I'm certain that that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF - No f**king way.

TRY SAYING - Really?
INSTEAD OF - You've got to be sh**ting me.

TRY SAYING - Perhaps you should check with ___________.
INSTEAD OF - Tell someone who gives a sh**.

TRY SAYING - I wasn't involved in that project.
INSTEAD OF - It's not my f**king problem.

TRY SAYING - That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF - What the f**k!

TRY SAYING - I'm not sure that this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF - This sh** won't work.

TRY SAYING - I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF - Why the f**k didn't you tell me sooner.

TRY SAYING - He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF - He's got his head up his a**.

TRY SAYING - Excuse me sir?
INSTEAD OF - Eat sh** & die motherf**ker.

TRY SAYING - So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF - Kiss my a**.

TRY SAYING - I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF - F**k off, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING - Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF - Great, another f**cking meeting.

TRY SAYING - He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF - He's a f**cking prick!

TRY SAYING - She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF - She's a f**cking bi**ch.

TRY SAYING - I don't think you quite understand.
INSTEAD OF - Shove it up your a**.

TRY SAYING - Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF - Who the f**ck cares?

TRY SAYING - I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF - This f**king job sucks.

TRY SAYING - You want me to take care of that.
INSTEAD OF - Who the f**k died & made you the boss?

TRY SAYING - I see.
INSTEAD OF - F**k me.

TRY SAYING - I think you could use a little more training.
INSTEAD OF - You don't know what the f**k you're doing.

Thank you,
Human Resources